Tuesday, February 18, 2014
WHEN FAIRY TALES DON'T COME TRUE
I wish that I could tell you that it was a magical evening filled with all the stuff of fairy tales, that I felt like a princess being escorted by her prince. I wish I could tell you that I loved my dress and I felt beautiful and well pulled together. I wish I could tell you that my Fibro was in check and I felt like a million bucks but sadly I can't tell you any of these things. Instead I can only recount how Fibro once again overshadowed my life and took from me what might have been a fabulous evening.
We had our Sweetheart Ball on the 13th of February. I had so been looking forward to the ball and I thought I had planned very well for the ball. All the planning in the world could not stand up to my Fibro. I woke up the morning of the ball and I knew I was in trouble. I felt terrible and I was in the throes of a major fibro flare up. I was in pain allover and I mean from head to toe. I was extremely weak and nauseous. I knew I had to get dressed and make it to the ball and then get through it all.
So that afternoon I got cleaned up and then dressed. Once I had my dress on, I realized that I did not like my dress at all. It wasn't that I did not like it; it was that it did not fit me right and in my effort to wear something I thought was age and event appropriate, I had totally picked the wrong dress. I felt I looked frumpy and old in the dress and it did nothing for me what so ever. The worst time to realize that you have the wrong dress is when you are getting ready to go to the Ball.
My husband was so very sweet; he complimented me and was so good to me all night. He was telling me how pretty I looked and how much he loved me and all I could think was I am so sick and I look like I am sick. I kept thinking how on earth could he ever be proud of me. Could he not see I was so very very sick and I looked terrible?
We arrived and the venue was so nice. It was an old train station that has been converted into a beautiful and artsy ballroom, etc. We joined in on the social hour and he introduced me to many of his coworkers and their spouses. Everyone was so nice and we all smiled (even I smiled) and talked. My husband kept telling me how much he loved taking me out and showing me off. He was so happy to have me there, so I put on my best face and I tried to be social and delightful.
Inside I was dying, everything was starting to hurt even more and I felt I was melting. I would have a hot flash and my hair and makeup would just melt away. My pain level was reaching the intolerable point and I had to keep talking to myself. Finally it was time to go through the receiving line and then find our seats. The only thing that got me through the receiving line was I knew I would finally get to go sit down. Maybe just maybe I would find some relief once we found our seats.
Then the unthinkable happened, we were to be seated upstairs. Not just upstairs but up this grand oversized staircase that even a healthy person might struggle to climb. The handrails were made of solid chunky wood and there was essentially nothing to hold on to in order to balance and step up the stairs. Then when we arrived at the top there were more steps both to the left and the right. We chose the stairs on the left and as it happened, we need to go up the ones on the right. So back down again and then back up. We searched for our table and we found it however, it was full and our placeholders were not on the table. We started searching and it took 30 minutes to find our names on some place cards several tables away.
Finally I can sit down; I am so exhausted and worn out by this time. We had already gone through the formal part of the ball by the time we found our table so it was time to eat. The food was fabulous and I mean really fabulous. If I had not been so very sick I would have really enjoyed the food. We ate and talked with friends and took a few photos and luckily for me my husband asked me if I wanted to go home. I told him yes I was ready. I climbed back down those stairs and made it outside. I took off my shoes and relaxed a little. We walked back to our truck and drove home. I took that dress off and wondered who I could give it too, so that I never have to look at it again.
I will always have Fibro and there isn't a lot I can do about it. You would think by now I would be used to having a flare up at the worst possible time. I guess because this was the Ball and it was so important to me, I suffered a major meltdown, not only physical but emotionally. I was so very upset that I lay in bed beside my husband and cried into the wee hours of the morning. Of course this did not help my headache much but I had to get it all out.
I did learn a few things from this experience. I have a certain style and I love pretty dresses. The next ball I attend I will wear what I love and not what I think is appropriate. If I can feel good about what I am wearing then that is half the battle. The other thing I learned is I cannot wear high heeled shoes for very long. Next time I will wear pretty shoes that are comfortable. I won't try to be something I am not because that ends up not feeling so very good in the end.
As I write this I am still in the middle of a bad Fibro flare. I am still heartbroken over the ball and I still hate my dress. I think I will donate it if I can find the right way to do so. It was an expensive dress and it is so well made. It just needs a new home with the right person. As for me I will stick with the dresses I love because in the end it is me that I have to take care of and please.
My fairy tale may not have come true however, the part about they lived happily ever after, well let's just say I am thankful for my wonderful husband and our life.
Hanging in there until this flare up has calmed down.
Tea Cottage Pretties
A special thank you to my dear husband for being such a gentleman and being so good to me.
I love you sweetheart...