Living with Fibromyalgia
and
Pernicious Anemia
Although I do not usually talk about it much I live with two very debilitating and life altering disorders. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia for over 15 years and more recently with pernicious anemia. I also have a severe vitamin D deficiency and hypothyroidism both of which are well manged at this time. I have good days and bad days and sometimes terrible days. My bad days seem to come as they will with no particular triggers. I wake up in the morning and I KNOW if I am going to have a good day or a bad day. I have often wondered what is really wrong with me and how can I be so very sick? When I am terribly sick I go to bed at night wondering if I will make it through the night and I wake wondering how will I ever make it through the day. No one can see my pain nor can they feel what I feel. Being sick like this is a very lonely place to be at times. Now mind you, I am not upset that others don't "get it" and I certainly would not wish this on anyone. However, I often think that people see me and they think oh she's fine, she doesn't look sick at all. Yet, I know they will never be able to understand because they can't see my fibromyalgia or my pernicious anemia and there is no way they could know.
I often wonder how two such disorders could make someone feel as I do? I have been tested for all sorts of things and it always goes back to fibromyalgia and pernicious anemia. On my bad days I think there has to be something else wrong, I just can't be this sick. But alas, I am this sick and somehow I have to find the strength to get up and keep moving. Then there is the guilt I carry due to the fact that I can not always attend the many functions I should attend. You know the trips to the park with my daughter for school, the fun organizational days for my husband's work. You know things like that and it is hard because what do you tell people? I usually tell them I am just very sick and I try to leave it at that but that leaves a lot missing doesn't it? I do not know how or why I came to be so sick but I am and it is a struggle sometimes just to keep moving.
Over the years I have learned to manage the fibromyalgia and now I am trying to understand the pernicious anemia. I have to plan way ahead and rest a lot in order to make appointments and things like that, at least for the fibromyalgia. Now for the pernicious anemia I am trying to understand how it works for me and it is my hope to learn how to manage and cope with this new disorder. For the moment I have learned to find comfort in the things I love most. First and foremost my family, my beautiful children and my wonderful husband. My home and the things I love to look at and I love crafting, collecting and sharing. Crafting works because I can sit somewhere and be as comfortable as possible and make something with my hands. I feel accomplished and I even sometimes forget just how bad I am feeling.
This past week was a very bad week because I was incredibly sick and I could not seem to come out of it. Finally on Friday I started coming around and sat down with my beautiful Tiffany and we made some easy DIY jewelry. So out of my bad week I manage to pull off cleaning my house, going to the Doctor (this I do every week for B12 shots) and making some pretty jewelry. I missed a function at my husband's work but he understands (I hope) even if no one else does. I have to celebrate my small accomplishments and try to forget about the things I missed. So here is a picture of the jewelry that we made and my accomplishment for the week albeit small it meant a lot to me. From fibromyalgia to pernicious anemia to trying to live my life as best I can with a smile on my face and beautiful things around me.
In this picture: 1 - Birdcage Necklace, 2- mixed media necklace, 3 - crochet bracelet with flower and 4 - black lace, ribbon, pearls and bead bracelet.
Here is a picture of my Eric who helps me get through the bad days, along with my daughters.
and finally..... a bit of
Inspiration
I also love to look around for inspiration when I am not feeling well.
This week I found this wonderful Blog post on Etsy.
I wanted to share because it was such a fabulous tutorial and an incredibly beautiful lady. So enjoy and here's hoping you will find your inspiration.
Hugs, Beverly